Ramblings

Finally got confirmation from aceglobal that iccp has gauranteed that I will get a placing in the campUSA programme. Unfortunately, they cannot provide details as to where I'll be going, when I'll be leaving or what kind of camp I'll be going for... so keeping my fingers crossed that it'll be somewhere fun! keke! Anyhow, will be forking out more money for the USA Visa on Wednesday. Everything's so expensive. Plane tickets too, it seems.

On a side note, found this interesting Meat Loaf (he sang 'I would do anything for love') song written by his long-time collaborator Jim Steinman (he wrote "Total Eclipse of the heart among others). It's called Paradise by the Dashboard Light; read the lyrics below carefully to find out what the title really refers to (it's long, but well worth a gander). There are three parts, and the radio broadcast part is a good analogy for what many of us have gone through before.... ;=). There are also background 'sound effects' to accompany the radio broadcast too!
Although the song does end on a sour note, proving that perhaps most puppy/first loves aren't meant to last?

Paradise By the Dashboard Light

i. Paradise
Boy:

I remember every little thing
As if it happened only yesterday
Parking by the lake
And there was not another car in sight
And i never had a girl
Looking any better than you did
And all the kids at school
They were wishing they were me that night

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a
Knife
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
C'mon! hold on tight!
C'mon! hold on tight!
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light

Girl:

Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely dressed

Ain't no doubt about it
Baby got to go and shout it
Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed

Boy:

Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely dressed

Baby doncha hear my heart
You got it drowning out the radio
I've been waitin so long
For you to come along and have some fun

And i gotta let ya know
No you're never gonna regret it
So open up your eyes i got a big surprise
It'll feel all right
Well i wanna make your motor run

And now our bodies are oh so close and tight
It never felt so good, it never felt so right
And we're glowing like the metal on the edge of a
Knife
Glowing like the metal on the edge of a knife
C'mon! hold on tight!
C'mon! hold on tight!

Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light
Oh it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
Paradise by the dashboard light

You got to do what you can
And let mother nature do the rest
Ain't no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
Cause we were barely seventeen
And we were barely --

We're gonna go all the way tonight
We're gonna go all the way tonight's the night

We're gonna go all the way tonight
We're gonna go all the way tonight's the night

We're gonna go all the way tonight
We're gonna go all the way tonight's the night

We're gonna go all the way tonight
We're gonna go all the way tonight's the night


Radio broadcast:

Ok here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going
Here, two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth, there's the wind-up,
And there it is, a line shot up the middle, look at him go. this boy can really
Fly! he's rounding first and really turning it on now, he's not letting up at
All, he's gonna try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center, and here
Comes the throw, and what a throw! he's gonna slide in head first, here he
Comes, he's out! no, wait, safe - safe at second base, this kid really makes
Things happen out there. batter steps up to the plate here's the pitch - he's
Going, and what a jump he's got, he's trying for third, here's the throw, its
In the dirt - safe at third! holy cow, stolen base! he's taking a pretty big
Lead out there, almost daring him to try and pick him off. the pitcher glances
Over, winds up, and it bunted, bunted down the third base line, the suicide
Squeeze is on! here he comes, squeeze play, it's gonna be close, here's the
Throw, here's th
E play at the plate, holy cow, i think he's gonna make it!


Ii. Let Me Sleep on it

Girl:

Stop right there!
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further --!

Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your
Wife?
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your
Wife?
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Do you love me !!!?
Will you love me forever !!!?

Boy:

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
I'll give you an answer in the morning

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
I'll give you an answer in the morning

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
I'll give you an answer in the morning

Girl:

I gotta know right now!
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?
Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?
Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?
Will you take me away and will you make me your
Wife?
I gotta know right now!
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?

What's it gonna be boy?
Come on
I can wait all night
What's it gonna be boy yes or no?
What's it gonna be boy yes or no?

Boy:

Let me sleep on it
Baby, baby let me sleep on it
Let me sleep on it
And i'll give you an answer in the morning
L

Girl:

I gotta know right now!!!
Do you love me?

Boy:

Let me sleep on it!!

Girl:

Will you love me forever?

Boy:

Baby baby let me sleep on it

Girl:

Do you need me?
Will you never leave me?

Boy:

Let me sleep on it

Girl:

Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?

Boy:

Let me sleep on it i'll give you an answer in the morning!! morning!!!!
I'll tell you in the morning!!!!!

Girl:

Will you take me away, will you make me your wife?

Girl:
I gotta know right now
Before we go any further
Do you love me?
Will you love me forever?

Boy:

Let me sleep on it

Girl:

Will you love me forever?

Boy:

Let me sleep on it

Girl:

Will you love me forever?

Iii. Praying for the End of Time

Boy:

I couldn't take it any longer
Lord i was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's
Grave
That i would love you to the end of time
I swore that i would love you to the end of time!

So now i'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if i gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that i can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But god only knows what i can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that i can do
Praying for the end of time, so i can end my time
With you!!!

Boy:

It was long ago and it was far away
And it was so much better than it is today

Girl:

It never felt so good
It never felt so right
And we were glowing like
A metal on the edge of a knife

Just heard that Bozo and Joe both got their placements in the campUSA programme. Am so happy for them that their long wait has been rewarded. But for myself, the wait continues. Have been told that Tuesday will be the deadline, if no placement by then, then that's it. Not quite sure how I'll take yet another blow. *sighz* Could do with a couple of months off after exams but that seems a distant dream now. Nothing seems to be going right fo rme now...

Anyway, on another note, just completed this interesting quiz which is supposed to tell you what kind of heart you possess.


Heart of Gold


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

Have been doing a lot of soul-searching lately. Been meeting up with old friends, re-establishing old contacts. Three weeks and still having some sleepsless nights, lack of concentration and distubing thoughts. It's been hard being around the same friends, the same places, the same environment, because of the memories that come to mind. Maybe things will never ever be the same again. Hard to run away when there's no place to run to.

Talking to other friends has made me realise that there are other people who are experiencing, or have experienced similar problems. On more than one occassion the past week, I have had to convince friends to focus on their studies and not be distracted by other concerns, to understand that there is a future after graduation, to believe that the future is still bright. It's difficult to comfort others when you don't believe in the advice you offer. Just do as I say, don't do as I do. Can't understand why people come to me for a listening ear despite knowing what I'm going through. Or maybe it's because of what I'm going through that they come to me.

The worse experience I've had this week has been to tell a friend that suicide was really stupid, that there are things and people to live for; basically trying frantically to persuade that person not to ever go through with it again. Given the high suicide rate in SIngapore (stats here - more women attempt suicide, but more men succeed), it comes as no surprise to me to find another person who'd been pushed to the limit. When it comes to suicide, there are always underlining factors already, and there is often a trigger event which breaks the camel's back. Depression can really be a killer.

Is it ironic to find another person who had tried to end it all for similar reasons? Or just pathetic and sad? Made me remember the time an army buddy jumped to his death from an HDB flat. We all regret not having talked to him before, we all felt, and still feel even, that there was something we could have done. But it was just so sudden, and in his case, he didn't even bother to reach out to anyone. His reasons were somewhat different, and may even seem trivial to some, but we all have different triggers.

There is an old Groucho Marx joke which goes like this:
Two women order two bowls of soup at a restaurant. The first woman goes, "This soup tastes awful!". The second one then says, "And in such small portions too!"

Well that's an analogy for life; full of pain and suffering and yet everyone wants to live forever. (or at least most) They're obviously seeing something that others don't.

Break Fast

Went for breakfast Sunday morning at round 10am with Bozo, Joe and John. Had prawn noodles at extension from the newly-opened stall. The soup was sweet but they gave very little ingredients, only 3 slices of meat, 5 thin slices of fishcake and 1.5 small prawns (they cut each prawn into half to make it look more than it actually is). Still, I suppose that's how it is everywhere nowadays. At least the soup was good, better than the older stall nearby.

Also ordered chwee kui (pardon my spelling), which tasted ordinary. The best chwee kui has a smooth texture, a hearty portion of fragrant salted vegetables and killer chilli, but this had none of those. Nonetheless, at 20c each, it wasn't too expensive, and I had 2, joe 2 and bozo 4.

The Waffle Affair

Later, was still hungry, so ordered waffles from the nearby bakery. I bought a cheese waffle (which I regretted - only had one tiny slice of kraft cheese in it) which cost $1.20. A plain waffle costs 80c, so I guess they charge 40c or 50% extra for a slice of cheese. Daylight robbery I tells ya. John ordered a chocolate (my favorite) and a peanut butter waffle, while Joe got himself a margarine waffle.

Joe noticed that his waffle was not done right (sides were crooked I think) so he asked the waffle auntie to give him another one. However, she kept saying that it was ok, and continued to apply margarine. But Joe insisted, so the auntie complained that he could have told her earlier, and she would have given the plain waffle to this lady who had ordered after us. I suppose Joe was well within his rights as a customer to ask for a new waffle, and he kept complaining to me how fucked up the service was later. The waffle auntie wasn't even considerate enough to wipe the blade of the knife on the inside of the waffle, she wiped it on the outside, so wouldn't that make your fingers dirty when you eat the waffle? I personally wouldn't have minded the crooked waffle, as it would probably have tasted the same, but I guess I'm not Joe.

The Barley Incident

Oh and I bought a packet of barley just as we left the coffeeshop, and John asked if it was water that I had ordered while we were waffle-waiting. Haha, so lame. I could've burst my sides out laughing but I didn't want to spill my water, umm i mean barley. (no offence, John!) Honestly, I don't see much humour in that comment, but i can equate in my mind how some people might find it funny. Barley looks like water (both plain, transparent colored), and it would be really strange and dumb if someone were to order a packert of water (wouldn't it?), so therein lies the humour. I guess. NOw, I'm not trying to be condescending when I say I don't 'get' this kinda humour, but it just isn't my cup of tea. Although I do join in often times and crack lamer jokes of my own, which normally fall even flatter. Hmm, I don't really tell jokes well.

Wow this is a wordy blog entry. I'm beginning to write like bozo, except that I'm less long-winded and more entertaining. I hope.

Porky's

Came back after buying waffles at 1130am and read the papers before spending most of the afternoon sleeping. Woke up at 330pm and read the first 10 pages of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, a book a friend had lent me. Then went back to sleep, but was awoken at 6pm by bozo's "dinner?" yells. I said ok, who's gng? so bozo went to check. Linc had already bought dinner for Joe and John, so we decided to join Guoxin, Kee Heng, Sengyong and friends for dinner at the hawker centre at Jurong West Ave 1. The pig trotters there were supposedly good. "Sengyong recommending Pig's Trotters is quite apt" I commented as I drove there, which led to giggles from guoxin and bozo.
keke, I'm so mean.

The strange thing we noticed when I reached the hawker centre was that the English translation of pig's trotters on the signboard read "Pig's petitetoes" (that's right, petietetoes in one word). I didn't know pigs had toes. Or that they were petite (the toes, not the pigs). Hmm. Anyway we also ordered pig's intestine soup to compliment the trotters. The trotters were good and came in sizeable portions, but I'd have preferred more fats cos I've been losing weight lately.

Everyone ordered sugar cane juice as well, and the sugar cames were kept in a fridge at the stall for some reason. Bozo commented that the canes would dry up if kept in a fridge for too long. I thought that they did it just so that the canes would be fresh. I alo mentioned that some fruits cannot be kept in the fridge at all, like bananas, which would turn black. Guoxin knew this but Bozo didn't. Shouldn't everyone know that? Guess not.

Went shopping for some groceries and fruits after dinner and guoxin and kee heng bought 11 mangoes which we shared later when we went back to hall. Skipped swimming with the guys again as I didn't really feel like it. I should start again I suppose. Have been isolating myself a bit recently, but I haven't really felt like doing much. Still feeling downish maybe.

Okie had orignally planned ot include a review of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, which I completed that night in 2hrs+ (100 pages an hour - is that fast? ~ wouldn't know, don't read much), but I've rambled long enough for today. Next time then.

The Passion of Mee Pok

Went on a mini-movie moarathon over the weekend, catching Mee Pok Man on Friday and Passion of Christ on Saturday. Mee Pok Man was a real waste of time, with a wafer-thin plot, undeveloped characters, all done in a slow sleep-inducing pace. I guess Eric Khoo, who happens to be the son of the richest man in singapore, is trying to be too avant-garde and arty-farty. Don't understand all the acclaim it garnered. And the actors all couldn't speak proper hokkien even. Dissapopinting.

Passion of Christ was better, but I still managed to nap through some parts cos i was really tired (weekends are sleepy) and had eaten a heavy dinner and dessert. (Claypot rice at beach road hawker centre and pineapple cheese pie at long john's). Graphic stuff... but i guess meaningful, although it didn't induce me to convert to christianity anytime soon. But the biased treatment of the jews and romans are exagerated... there were some nice jews too, like the fella who helped christ with his cross... and in the end christ forgave them all, and prayed for them, so shouldn't we too?

Deep Thoughts

Reading other people's blogs have got me thinking out loud. Firstly, treasuring someone who loves you isn't as easy as it seems. Who wants to cling on to someone who loves you, even though your feeling for that person has long gone? I have personally been in such a r/s and blindly believed that as long as the other party was happy, I'd be too. How wrong I was. There are so many ingredients that must be right before a relationship can work out long term, but both parties loving each other deeply, and sincerely, is a basic must. Too many ppl nowadays get married cos they are afraid of being alone, cos of societal or familial pressure, cos they are happy enough that they have someone who loves/worships them. That's sad but a fact.

And some things just seem more valuable when they're gone. But when you get them back, you wonder why they were of any value at all. Hence the saying "Be careful what you wish for", perhaps. That's just the cruel nature of some things.

Am in design lab now waiting for the rest of the class to come in. Skipped the lecture part cos lectures are like, so boring. Only came for the hands-on part of lab. Anyhow showed Kee Heng my blog and told him that it was a very personal (for most - well, at least for me) online journal, and he was saying how he'd rather read other ppl's blog than write one of his own, cos he wouldn't want ppl to know that much about him.
Hmm... Voyeurism.

Well, that's probably true for most, but I have been numbed ever since I've started blogging, such that it doesn't matter how much ppl know any more. Nothing's a secret in hall, so why try to hide it? There's nothing to fear but fear itself (FDR quote, I think), so one shouldn't be too concerned about baring his or her soul. As for censorship, I am personally against it. Despite the fact that ppl think i'm over-sensitive and over-analytical, I believe that a person has the right to say what he or she believes in, and I wouldn't give a rat's ass if that includes criticism directed at me. After all, the right of the individual outweighs the right of the many (think about it).

Okie gotta go do my lab assignment now, Kee Heng bugging me, talk later.

Poor Sod.

de·pres·sion n.
The act of depressing.
The condition of being depressed.

forgiveness n.
compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive
the act of excusing a mistake or offense

blame n.
The state of being responsible for a fault or error; culpability.
Censure; condemnation.

an·ger n.
A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility.

hate v.
To feel hostility or animosity toward.
To detest.

distrust n.
Doubt of sufficiency, reality, or sincerity; want of confidence, faith, or reliance; as, distrust of one's power, authority, will, purposes, schemes, etc.

mel·an·chol·y n.
Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom
Pensive reflection or contemplation.

isolation n
a state of separation between persons or groups
a feeling of being disliked and alone
preference for seclusion or isolation

vin·dic·tive adj.
Disposed to seek revenge; revengeful.
Marked by or resulting from a desire to hurt; spiteful.

disillusionment n.
freeing from false belief or illusions

insanity n.
relatively permanent disorder of the mind

hope n.
An erroneous perception of reality.
An erroneous concept or belief.